I noticed that I tend to speak under my breath when in public or accompanied with other people because I don’t want them to hear me due to fear and anxiety of their possible judgement of me based on what I say.
I fear to say something inappropriate in others eyes and therefor speak under my breath so only the one I am speaking with can hear me and no one else.
Doing this also to prevent being caught in/ending up in a conflict/fight with another or other judging me if they hear what I said, which they saw inappropriate in their own eyes/minds.
So I tend to speak really shy/constricted and obviously feel like shit at the end of the day because I was victim of my own judgement as-well as the fear and anxiety of others judgement and/as the judgement of myself through the eyes of others.
This speaking under my breaths is another dimension of the point of ‘hiding’ myself, where I am suppressing myself around others due to the fear and anxiety of judgements of others and the judgement of myself through the eyes of others and my own eyes — where I literally feel like ‘rolling into’ myself, compressing/becoming smaller and smaller till I ‘disappear’ — where I am not wanting to be seen/visible to others due to this fear and anxiety of the judgement of others and my own judgement through the eyes of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to speak under my breath due to fear and anxiety of being judged by others if I were to say something inappropriate or/as something that they don’t like/agree to in their eyes/minds — in this pleasing others and suppressing/neglecting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid and anxious of others hearing what I am saying/speaking about because of valuing and fearing their judgement.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop valuing and caring about and placing any weight/importance on others judgement or possible judgement of me — not realising that if I am still valuing and looking for others judgement of me — I am still looking for/seeking acceptance/appreciation from others instead of accepting/loving/appreciating and caring for me myself Here — unconditionally — in the realisation that I really need no one else to do so before I can/am able to accept me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, due to fear and anxiety of others judgement of me, suppress myself in/as speaking/talking with others, where I talk/speak under my breath — instead of allowing myself to let go of the fear and anxiety of the judgement of others and stop seeking appreciation and acceptance from others, indicated by me valuing and caring about what others say/think of/about me, instead of accepting and caring and appretiating myself here unconditionally, and allow me to express myself unconditionally and speak about what I want to speak with a clear and ‘normal’ voice/tonality like I do when I am alone or with friends that I am comfortable around/with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even THINK about others reactions, words, thoughts and/as judgements of me and how they see me — based on what I am saying/talking about — instead of just unconditionally expressing myself in/as speaking/voicing myself with a clear and ‘normal’ voice/tonality like I would do/do when I am alone or with friends/people I am comfortable around/with without looking for and being curious about others judgements/reactions/believes/perception/opinion about/of me.
I commit myself to stop suppressing myself through speaking under my breath, due to fear and anxiety of others judgement of me and stop judging myself through the eyes of others — where I try to prevent people to take note of me/notice me and within that I commit myself to when and as I see/find myself to suppress myself in/as speaking under my breath, due to fear and anxiety of the judgement of others — to stop and breathe, let go of the fear and anxiety and self-judgement and walk through the energies/experiences till they are gone — and while I am walking/facing the energies/experiences of/as fear and anxiety and judgement — not suppress me because of these energies/experiences but literally EXPAND within and as me and/as my physical body and chin up, look straight and deliberately SHOW me/become VISIBLE/become ‘NOTICEABLE’ through/in/as talking/speaking with a clear and ‘normal’ voice/tonality as I would do/do when I am alone or with people I am comfortable with/around and not speak under my breath.
I commit myself to realise that I am expressing myself for myself as myself and not for others and in that I commit myself to express myself unconditionally without fear and anxiety of judgement and let the fear and anxiety go if it comes-up and express me regardless/in the face(ing) of/walking through the energy/experience of/as fear and anxiety and judgement Till it’s gone and not allow me to be intimidated by it/the energy/experience. I walk through the energy/experience in/as breath — Expressing in the face of the energy/fear and not being intimidated, directed/stopped/suppressed from expressing myself through/by the energy/experience.
I commit myself to realise that as long as I look for and ‘care for’ and value and even think about/consider the judgement of others — that it means/implies that I am looking for/seeking acceptance/appreciation from others instead of accepting/appreciating myself unconditionally here and within that I commit myself to when/as I see/find myself to look for and/or even think about/consider the judgement of others about myself, in anyway whatsoever, to stop, breathe and realise/see/understand that I am looking for/seeking acceptance and appreciation from others instead of accepting and appretiating myself here unconditionally and in that I let go of the fear/anxiety of others judgements and stop looking for others judgements/stop thinking about others judgements of me and accept myself Here unconditionally in understanding that I need no-one and nothing separate from me to accept/love and care for me and that everything I like/feel attracted to in another — is in fact Here within/as me and that all I need to do is realise it and gift it to myself in/as living that very point/characteristic/aspect that I so like and feel attracted to in another and so I stop seeking/looking for acceptance of me in and through others and accept myself Here and care for myself Here unconditionally, without the desire, want and ‘need’ for another to do so For me = Accept me For me.
For further assistance and support, within the process of changing self, please visit:
Equal Money System (The Equal Money System (EMS) is a research and development Project to formulate and investigate responses to general policies that affect the day to day life on Earth as to lifestyle for human, animal and plant. This project is managed and directed under the auspices of the Equal Life Foundation, a Non-Profit Organization, constituted under South African Law, duly audited as per legal requirements.)
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