image-source: losethattyre.co.uk

I’ve noted that I have a fear of negative experiences/energies such as all types of emotions and that I would go into anxiety and like a ‘shock’, feeling overwhelmed when I would have any emotion = negative energy/experience within me and would feel like ‘stuck’ and ‘motionless’ and have backchat of “Oh no..”, “How am I ever going to get out of this”, “It is impossible”, “I am lost”.

I judge emotions (the negative energy/experience) because they ‘feel’ uncomfortable and I perceive/feel them as so ‘huge’ that I can never ‘overcome’ them.

Like when I would feel guilt or self-judgement or fear/anxiety — within the very occurrence/emergence of the ‘movement’ of the ‘substance’ of that energy of/as emotion — I would immediately react in further emotions like anxiety/fear and I would go all tense, trying to ‘shake it off’ because I don’t like to experience it because I always feel so hopeless and helpless when such ‘negative’ energies/experiences of/as emotions are present and ‘moving’ within me/my body.

What this then often leads to is that I will all of a sudden stop ‘functioning’ in terms of my ‘normal everyday movement/application’ and would instead sit there and wallow about the experience I have, accepting myself as ‘motionless’/’immovable’ because of the ‘presence’ of such ‘negative’ energies/experiences of/as emotions within me and/as my body.

So, I would within accepting and allowing myself to be ‘stuck’ and ‘motionless’/’immovable’ remain ‘idle’ and within that ‘idleness’ I will just go deeper and deeper into those ‘negative’ energies/experiences of/as emotions and create even more of them.

So, I am accepting and allowing myself to buy into the illusion of ‘negative’ energy/experience of/as emotions, in terms of: That I buy into the belief/illusion that I am unable to self-move myself and continue LIVING and/as ‘continuing’ with my active participation in process in/as ‘continuing’ self-directing myself to ‘continue’ applying self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective-application IF the ‘negative’ energy/experience of/as emotions is ‘present’ within me.

I feel overwhelmed by ‘negativity’ — in form of ‘negative’ energy/experience of/as emotions.

So, when I’d have/experience any ‘negative’ energy/experience of/as emotions — I would literally become ‘stuck’, like ‘pinned to the ground’ and will not move or ‘be able to move’ till the ‘negative’ energy ‘subsides’ by itself. But it cannot subside by itself, if it does then it’s a suppression, the energy moving from my conscious mind into the subconscious/unconscious mind, where I am no more AWARE of that energy/experience, yet it’s not GONE or ‘subsided’ — it just has MOVED AWAY from my ATTENTION. And then I become ‘functional’ again. Lol.

So, it’s like I fear to have/experience ‘negative’ energy/experience, like emotions because I fear to become ‘stuck’.

Though, I see that I ‘generally’ fear the experience of/as the very ‘substance’/’nature‘/’essence’ that the ‘negative’ energy/experience like emotions is ‘made of’/consist of‘. Fearing the experience of the very ‘movement’ of the ‘substance’ of ‘negative’ energy/experience like emotions. Fearing the very ‘substance’/’nature’/’essence’ that comprises the ‘negative’ energy/experience like emotions. Fearing how the very ‘substance’ of/as ‘negative’ energy/experience like emotions ‘feels’ like.

Yet, the ‘negative’ energy/experience like emotions, is equal-to and one-with and the same as the ‘positive’ energy/experience like feelings, the only difference is the ‘feeling’ of/how the very ‘substance’ of/as the ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ energy/experience ‘feels like’ — Though the ENERGY remains ENERGY, it just has a different ‘feel’/’texture‘/’touch’ to it.

Lol, so fucked up to FEAR ‘negative’ ENERGY/EXPERIENCE and allow myself to be ‘stuck’ and ‘immovable’ in the ‘presence’ of the ‘negative’ ENERGY/EXPERIENCE yet become ‘movable’ and ‘vital’ in the presence of ‘positive’ ENERGY/EXPERIENCE like feelings, Da Fuck !?

So, I have to ‘clear’ my relationship I have formed with and towards/to Energy and the very ‘Substance’/’Nature‘/’Essence’/’Touch‘/’Feel’ of Both the Forms that Energy ‘comes in’: ‘Negative’ and ‘Positive’. To stop the fear I have towards ‘negativity’/’negative’ energy/experience where I allow/accept myself to be ‘stuck’ and ‘immovable’ and ‘nonfunctional’ in the ‘presence’/’feeling‘/’sensation’ of the ‘negative’ energy and stop the dependency/need of/for ’positive energy/experience to become ‘vital’, ‘movable’ and ‘functional’ — to so stop the dependency/need for energy to move me and direct me and live for me and/but instead realize/create/become the self-directive principle where I move/direct and apply myself REGARDLESS of ANY ENERGY/EXPERIENCE I have.

Lol: I am so SCARED of ENERGY — I must laugh at my stupidity.

So, this is the Introduction sort of; The Self-Writing about my Relationship to/towards/of/with ENERGY — placing one of the Relationship-‘Designs’ I have to/towards ENERGY into Words to See directly and so to ‘pave’ the road for more effective self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to so be able to ‘continue’ ‘functioning’ and moving/applying myself WITHIN the very ‘face’/experience/’feeling‘/’perception’/’sensation‘/’presence’ of the ‘negative’ Energy/Experience like Emotions and no longer be ‘stuck’ and ‘immovable’ and overwhelmed and oppressed/suppressed when such experience/energy emerge and ‘move’ within me.

For further assistance and support, within the process of changing self, please visit:

• Desteni

• Desteni Forum

• Desteni I Process

• Equal Money System (The Equal Money System (EMS) is a research and development Project to formulate and investigate responses to general policies that affect the day to day life on Earth as to lifestyle for human, animal and plant. This project is managed and directed under the auspices of the Equal Life Foundation, a Non-Profit Organization, constituted under South African Law, duly audited as per legal requirements.)

You may also want to check out:

• The Delusion of Experience/Energy: When you won’t change in Negative nor in Positive Times

• Day 61 The Good Experience (Part 1): A lifelong search for the Positive Experience/Energy. Life regressed to practically nothing.

• Sunette — STOP! – and discover yourself

• Sunette — The Law of my Being – The Law of Me

Other’s blogs of the day:

• Daring to Care — Caring to Share

• Behaviour Modification

Featured interviews:

• Reptilians — Experiencing life vs living life

• Atlanteans — When Energy has more Value than Life

• (Free Download) Self Awareness steps for the Elite — Introduction